Only 30 days!!!

Well it's after midnight so It's more like 29 but YAY less than a month until I can (briefly) be in my husbands arms again!!!!! I can't tell you how much this excites me. The fact I have more days behind me than ahead of me, for basic at least, is huge! I am so happy I have had a wonderful support group with my Delta friends who are helping to keep me sane and busy :) I have some wonderful friends here doing the same. I love that the Alsobrook's understand this crazy Army thing and are so close. I know they would do anything that could in a heartbeat if I asked. Oh man and Ashley Pierson. While I have only "met" her through our online support group she has become one of my closest friends. We talk everynight and I know I can be sad to her and whine some and she listens and never judges. She is pretty much awesome and I can't wait to meet her March 13th. She and I will keep each other busy that day before family day, I am sure we will be very anxious. It's only 28 days now til I fly out and 25/26 til I start packing. I like to try to wittle down the days :) I have to say though I really believe this being apart thing has in fact made Jer and I closer. The letters are so amazing that I get from him. Like he can speak from his heart. Maybe things he wouldn't normally say out loud. I am so grateful he writes alot. I love getting near daily letters. Jer has made me feel so incredibly loved. I truly am a lucky woman

Anniversary

Today was my wedding anniversary. It really was bitter sweet without Jer here. I did get a anniversary card from Jer that he made and a letter yesterday that he wrote for our anniversay saying how much he loved me so I know he was thinking of me, not that I doubted it. He is an amazing man and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him. He is a great husband and an awesome father, I really couldn't ask for better. He is pretty hot too so that helps ;) I can not wait to see him in 35 days and a wake up. It will be truly magical I think. I was sad today thinking about what we are missing while he is gone but I know it will be worth it and I know he is doing this for us. He wouldn't be doing it if it wasn't for our family and that right there is huge. I love you Jeremiah Carter, Happy Anniversary, there will be many, many more!

My dad wrote this on my FB page today and I fell in love:

The Army does not issue a Spouse, they will not fit in a duffle bag, they can't be ordered through supply, nor even in a letter, but they fit in a tiny corner of the heart and travel everywhere with their Soilder. Missed birthdays, anniversaries, childrens plays all lived through the eyes of the spouse. The reason our Army is Strong is because of the strength of the spouse or loved ones left behind.

Awesome weekend

This weekend was one of the best in a long time! Mostly due to Beth Alsobrook! I love that woman!!! Saturday we took the girls to shop for dresses for the daddy/daughter dance. Grandpa is taking Jordan since it's not really possible for Jer to go :) It should be a lot fo fun for her since it's her fisrt school dance and I know she is excited with a new dress and new shoes. The shopping was a total blast and then I took the kids to dinner at the old spaghetti factory and it was super yummy and not to expensive, my favorite kind of dinner lol. Sunday Beth and I got up early and went to the commissary at Hill Air force Base. We shopped at the liquor store (much needed haha) then had lunch at the BX and bought out the commissary lol. Yeah we had 3 1/2 carts and we barely fit in the car, good thing we went without any kids :) We stopped really quick at the mall and were supposed to quickly pick up a shirt I had on hold but somehow, thanks Beth, I got a few more things. It's totally ok though cause I love it all!!!
After we got to our respective houses and put everything away the two families got together at my house for my Dad's chilli and the SUPER BOWL!!!! WAHOO GIANTS! It was such a close game but they won and that's all that matters!!
Monday my mom had taken the day off so we went and did a little more shopping and she let me place fashion show at the dressing room for her. I haven't done that since I was a teenager, it was nice. I got outfits for my entire time with Jer in March, Im going to look pretty :) :)

A long time!

Wow I haven't written in so long where do I begin... Well Friday and Saturday last week I got letters from Jer YAY. I hate days when I don't get them. Seems like they only come on Friday, Saturday, and Monday so I have decided the middle of the week sucks. Seem slike he is doing well there. He was worried about his shooting because he did awful on the simulated stuff but rocked it when he got out to the real range. I know he was a stud lol. He sent letters for the girls and one for Nick too. I put that one in my letter box I bought and I am going to save it. I think Nick will appreciate it as he gets older. He loves mail call and all but begs me to keep sending him letters, packages, or cards, whatever really :) Thats good because I send him at least one thing a day. He is loving MRE's (meals ready to eat) which I think is funny cause they look so nasty. My father was in supply for the guard growing up and we used to eat them and liked them but hell, what does a kid know lol. He told me to do some homework and cook a steak, baked potato, and all the fixing and eat it and report back on how yummy it was hahaha. Of course I had to do it, it was my homework. Have to say my dad cooked the steaks perfectly too! So good. Jer was sad because he couldn't buy me an anniversay card at the PX when they went last. DS told him nothing but the stuff they needed. Oh well at least he tried right? It's hard he is away for so many important days.
But another YYYYYYYAAAAAAYYYY he got to call on Sunday, yup for 30 minutes! It was bliss. However let me tell you how short 30 minutes really is. He got to talk to the girls and Nick. Oh man, Nick was so cute, he was squealing and laughing into the phone and kept looking at both sides of the phone trying to find daddy. Poor little squishy. He said his cold/cough is gone but he hurt his leg hiking. Sounds like a pulled muscle so it should be ok, he is so tough. I am incredibly proud of all he is doing for us. I realized something talking to him too, I am truly loved. Now let me explain I knew he loved me, never a doubt, however this is torture for him. He is pushing himself mentally and physically for me and for our children. He loves me so much he is puting himself through hell for a better life. I am blessed!
We had parent/teacher conferences last night. Ugh this is the kind of thing I really need Jeremiah for. I hate doing that kind of stuff alone. Jordan got mostly good reoprts. Big thing was talking in class, yup sounds like a teenage girl to me. She got moved from next to her best friend in science, it was close to becoming a problem so all us parents decided to just fix it before it really was an issue. Myah, oh Myah. What to do with her. She got kicked out of Science class on Tuesday for being to disruptive and not listening. Her grades are not goos and her teachers say she needs to loose her attitude problem. Yup sounds like home to me. I talked to the special education teacher since she has Myah for two classes and we have some ideas we are going to try out. Also Myah is skipping lunch and first off she is to small anyway, has monthly weight checks for loosing weight, and it's just not healthy. So now Dawn the spec. ed. teacher is eating lunch with her and encouring Myah through a food journal and a food critic type thing. Hopefully that helps because her weight is way down. I hate that Jer is not home to help with things like this. Plus I can't even write to him about it because he needs to stay focused. I am doing the work of both parents and it's exhausting.
I am so lucky to have so much support and so many good friends to help, otherwise I would probably be in the looney bin by now lol!

Contact

Days like todayI really wish I had contact with Jer. Not to tell him that the day went to shit and so much went wrong Im not really sure what else could have but more just to hear his reassuring voice. His voice can bring a smile to my face no matter what. I miss his postivie attitude and his ability to make it all seem a little better. His nightmare of an ex who I thought was getting better but isn't told me today that I will not be getting the boys. Now I have to go through a bunch of court crap because she is completely unable to follow court orders. I really hope the judge sticks it to her. I watched her for over 2 years now think she can get away with anything and hurt the boys in the process. I love them and she doesn't seem to realize that, or does and that's part of her problem. Now if Jer gets his phone call for phasing up this weekend I have to spend time explaining to him why the boys aren't here. Doesn't she get this hurts everyone? Um nope she doesn't cause you know what she said to me today??!!! this call is really only for Jer anyway the boys could care less!!!! WTH?? That's not true, no way!
The girls, mostly Myah, are doing all they can to drive me nuts! Yes I know normal teenagers but I totally feel ganged up on. Now I know why most of the time there is 2 parents! Myah and Jordan are both failing 4 classes. Now Jordan is failing because of not understanding but Myah is just being lazty not turning in work. She had a report that she said was due on Feb. 20th and then tells me yesterday it's due frida (tomorrow) WTH?? What do I do? Plus Myah refuses to do what she is asked at home and is starting to give that same dumbfounded stare Jordan starting giving last year, must again be a teenage thing lol. Nick is crying for daddy again. He woke up last night and was awake for hours crying for him and pointing to the stairs. I decided to watch video's of him and it seemed to help and he finally settled completely down at 3am!
Today was another day of no letterrs :( It's getting old this week, especially since my POA should be in there and I could really use it right now. I have sent Jer about 20 now so I at least hope he is getting mine. I almost feel forgotten, which I know truly isn't the case but it's so hard. No letters, no calls, no idea of what he has been doing there since the letter dated the 17th. This is my husband, the one I have spent everyday of our relationship with. It just bites! I really wish I had some contact with him. Something saying he was still around and here from me even just in spirit.
So tomorrow Ashley Pierson and I better get letters because we have tried to be as patient as we could but we miss our hubby's and need the Army to throw us a bone. Thank God I have her to talk to about all this and late at night when things get the hardest, it's the hardest for her too and we can help each other! I truly found an awesome friend in all this! Thanks Ashley, I love you!!!

Wahoo Weekend

Today was such a good day. In fact this was a good weekend, which is saying alot considering I didn't get a phone call from Jer. I did however get 3 letters. Three amazingly sweet, perfect letters. Jer really sounds like he is doing well minus missing us and having a cold. He said it's the "boot camp cough" lol guess it's common. I seriously am falling in love with my husband all over again. I am geting those same awesome butterflies in my stomach that I did while we were dating.
 He said he lost his Favorite pen during field training exercises (glad I sent a few more) He said his team found all their points on land nav. but the weather seems super cold. He said he has been showing all of our families pics around the bay and gets teared up :(  I have sent a few more pictures to him and ordered some more I will send out tomorrow.
Jer said they keep getting smoked for dummies steping in the kill zone but now can do 100 push ups without a problem lol. I guess the kill zone is an area in the bay no one is supposed to walk in. He also asked if he was writing to much???!!!! NO!!! He said he has been writing every night and really likes to. He offered to write only once a week or every other day, no ...way! He has done lost his mind lol. I want tons and tons of letters so if he likes writing everyday please, please do!!!
He did the 2 mile run the past week without slowing down which is big for him and passed his lifesaver test with a 97.5%, only missed one. After that they hiked 10K to the NBC (gas) chamber. Jer said they put on their mask, went inside, broke the seal, give their last 4, put it back on and clear it. Then they wait a few minutes take it back off again and recite the soliders creed, which cant be done cause it burns the lungs to much. He said when he got outside he had snot pouring and his eyes were watering haha. Said it only lasted 10 minutes though. Then they had to do the "victory run" through the chamber without their masks on. Then of course the 10K hike back "home" He said basic isnt to bad except missing us of course. He also said he has been able to fly under the radar pretty well so far.
Oh his letter dated the 17th said it was the first day they got mail but he didn't get any, sad cause I have sent a ton. I think total as of yesterday the family has sent 14 letters and a package, so yeah he will get flooded soon. So yup, There's a little update on Jer.
Oh and to share something a little bit personal, Jer said that when he gets sad missing me he kisses his wedding ring. He asked me if I could could feel it, he hoped so. Funny thing is I do the same thing. It's kind of neat to think we could be doing it at the same time.
Today the girls helped me get some cleaning done, and without really arguing, wahoo! Then we went to Bill and Beth's house for dinner. I got to visit with them for a few hours and the girls got to do girly stuff with their daughter Kimmie. It worked out great. I love talking with them. Beth knows what I am going through basically because she has dealt with Bill and deployments. Although at least I know my husband isnt being shot at. Bill is a great resource and is so honest. I am so lucky to have them as friends. I got to look at cool Army stuff of Bill's and neat things from Iraq. Also a beautiful scrapbook Beth is finishing up for Bill. I think Nick liked hanging out over there too. He got to sit with Bill in his recliner adn play blocks with Beth. He gave tons of smooches and and even gave the doggie a tounge kiss EEWWWW Kind of hilarious too because he didn't like the dogs all that much, he was scared.
Oh and the GIANTS are going to the SUPERBOWL!!!! Yup my team made it and Jer's didn't wahoo!!! So yup good weekend!!

Thank God it's Friday

This week hasn't been the worst but it certainly hasn't been the best. The kids are so testing my patience, which I have never had much of. Still school, sneaking and lying with Myah but Jordan has done something that I don't even want to say... now it's not end of the world terrible but she took something from someone close to her and I am so incredibly disappointed. I love that girl but I wish I could figure out whats going through her head! She has hust some people very close to her, to us and I just don't know what to do.
I have this week had some phone calls and chats with some other Army/wives and moms that were helpful instead of making me feel worse. Thanks to Ashley for the 3 hour conversation last night lol. I can't wait for Graduation. Susie, who is Conrad's mom and I got to talk today. I love that I can help with questions and they can help me all in the same moment.
Im still waiting on another letter from Jer. I know it's only been two days but I loved getting them everyday in the mail. I felt special. He should have gotten his package and probably 2 of his letters today. I can't wait for the letter back after he gets all of it. It's amazing how much you can miss just one person.
But for an awesome Friday I am going to Tyler Brown's wish decleration tonight at Make A Wish :) Im so excited for him and his family.. they all deserve it. Tyler wants to go on a Mickey cruise and mousekabunga, so stinkin cute!

The good and the bad

Yesterday was such a good day, well mostly but I refuse to let the bad parts get me down. I got to awesome letters from Jer. One envelope had a letter for myself and one for each of the girls. The other had one mostly for all of us. I have to say I am so incredibly proud of all he is doing there. I know he tries so hard and is doing this for our family. I am sure he has days he struggles as much  as we do here. The letters were so sweet and its nice to hear how much he loves me and misses us, I can't hear it in person but at least I get it on paper. I still would love a call. Oh and more good news, Delta finally got a sponsored page. It will have daily updates about what they are doing and eventually should have pictures and stuff. I love being able to see what Jer is doing that day, it makes me feel a little closer. We mailed out some more letters to him and I bought more stamps, He said he needed some too but doesn't know I sent out a package :) I also made the girls these cute little jars yesterday. I added some patriotic stickers to glass jars and put in hershey kisses so the girls can have a kiss a day til daddy gets home, 127 kisses each.. yeah that seems so long WHew!
Im still having a problem with Myah and school, she is not bringing home work, not giving me stuff from her teachers, and isn't doing projects. Ugh I don't know what to do. Jordan seems to be doing better. They are both such big helps with Nick and things around the house. Now if I could just give them longer memories and get their brains to come home from school lol
A small note on the bad yesterday, I had a disagreement with another Army wife. I am not sure either one of us were wrong but I felt personally attacked and didn't appreciate how she approached something. A simple apology would have gone along way, even if it was just an apology for hurting me not on purpose but some people are a bit prideful and I fear that will never happen. Oh well I have great friends, have met some new ones and I love sharing all my news with them!

I made it

This was my first weekend with all 5 kids alone and it was a 4 day holiday weekend at that. I survived!!! The kids were so well behaved. Really for having 5 kids, 5 different personalities we did very well. Nick is still having tummy troubles and has a terrible diaper rash that's bleeding no matter what I try. He is also waking up at night. I think he is having a super hard time adjusting with his best friend gone :(
Got more mail out to Jer today, the post office said the package would be there on thursday but I know it takes a couple extra days at Ft. Jackson but I really hope by saturday he gets some of the stuff we have sent. The boys have written the cutest letters. "hi dad I love you and miss you so much I cried today and the packers lost haha" I couldn't help but smile. I hope Jer does too. I have also decided that sleeping in his jammies is good :) The kids an dI also met a man today that went to Ft. Jackson 11 years ago. Poor guy was so sweet to answer all their questions and get excited over their dog tags. They are dying to know about the gas chamber, which it looks like Jer is doing tomorrow or the next day. Boys left at 7pm tonight and I did a bit of relaxing, alot of cleaning, laundry and now typing and writing to Jer again. I swear being a "single" parent involves no sleep lol
And for my friends and family who have helped me and made me smile when I start to cry, thank you!! This is a crazy rollercoaster and not what I expected. I again in life am realizing who my true friends are. Like when my son died, some people are really stepping up to the plate because my true friends and my good family knows I will do that for them too!

Ahhhhh

So sigh of relief today. I got a letter from Jer last night, or should I say a sucky form letter typed by his commander then signed by my husband. With everything going on the last 2 days then that I was seriously done. I wanted Jer home, I didn't care anymore.
Today after some good sleep, getting the boys from his ex without an issue, some help from two friends and my dad, and last but not least a REAL letter from Jer I feel much better. I think I just needed a little breakdown. Today the kids and I went and made a care package of things Jer is actually allowed, which isn't much but still I think it made us all feel good. On the way home we stopped at the Army/Navy store and made each of the kids dog tags with their name, birthday, Jer's Platoon, The battalion's motto, and the army battle cry on them. The kids were so happy. I need to give a huge thank you to my dad, Nancy, and Dallas who have helped me so much the last few days. the weight of some of the financial stuff off my shoulders is huge.
So my letter, yup a real one. If yall had seen the crap I got last night you would understand how much this one excited me, why it was that much more important! Jordan went to the mail box after she got done eating while the rst of us were still at the table. I swear its like a kid on Christmas as we look through the stack of mail. I got the letter and read it real quick to myself and then read the majority of it to everyone. It was heart breaking to see the kids cry as I read and knowing how much they miss daddy. It really was an amzing letter though. Jer said he passed the victory tower. For any of you that knows him and his fear of heights this was huge. He said he got to the top and was sop ready to give up but thought about us and thats all he needed to finish. Jer said he knew we made just as strong of a commitment as he did and couldn't let us down. He says I give him more strength than he thought he had... God if he only knew how bad I needed to hear that.
So yes I had a little breakdown and it was hard and it's still hard. And yes I am doing better and will do better as time goes on. It's a huge change. But I am so proud of my husband and the sacrafices I know he is making for us.

And note to the Army... It would be much easier if you had the same rules for all the companies. If one posts pictures and updates they all should have to, or none at all. It makes those of us who don't get pictures, videos, and daily updates like the other companies sad!

Breakdown

I wrote this out early yesterday morning and didn't post it, I really debated on it but I felt like I should write it so I feel like I should share it:

 I have to say even after growing up in the army you are not prepared for this. I havent heard a single word since sunday night. Hearing all my military friends say they got more contact when their spouses were deployed sucks, I am hating where jer is right now. I am hoping he will write. I do have to say its frustraing that everyone thinks they help by telling you to look at the positive, stay strong, could be worse, its not that long. I know all these things and truly hearing them makes you feel like you are doing even crappier than you orignially thought.  I am trying here ok, I may not do well but I am doing my best. I miss my husband like crazy, I dont think its bad I want to talk to him. I dont think its wrong to expect a few phone calls. I do guess its wrong to expect the army to care he has a family at home waiting and wishing they knew something, silly me. I should have known better, yes..does it help if I dont let jer know life sucks here, yes... Can I get through this, yes... Easily, No! I have lost so much in my life and have had so many people leave that this hurts. I am trying very hard to hold it together but it would be nice if the Army would throw those of us at home a bone. We are important too

Frustrated

I seriously am at my breaking point. I haven't gotten to talk to Jer since sunday, and yes I know be grateful for when I can but I miss him and want to talk to him and he is the one who can make me smile when I have tears. I could really use a hug. To top off beinf so sad I found out Jer is not getting paid tomorrow like he was supposed to. No big deal to some but HUGE to me. I have bills to pay, diapers to buy, and I need gas in my car. Things were already tight and this has just made things impossible. Jer took the last week off before he left so he could spend time with all of us before leaving for 5 1/2 months. I don't regret this, we had all the kids home with the Christmas break and it was so nice. Today however, I am hating the Army. Here Jer is learning how to protect our country and we are broke, struggling and we have to wait another 3 weeks for a check. He is gone from home 2200 miles away working 7 days a week and not being able to talk to us and I have to sit here and wonder how to buy diapers or get the boys because of gas?? This bites!
  To end on a good note. The girls and I talked last night and it was awesome. I really think that we are finding our groove, figured it would take a week. Hopefully it just gets better, I need better!

14 seconds

Today I got a 14 second call from my husband that I think consisted of him saying, "Im at basic, alive, love you" I say I think because the phone was breaking up and as I said "I love you, what did you say" the call was gone. I was so sad I couldn't say more, I mean come on Army, you have my husband for 5 1/2 months don't I deserve 2 minutes, an address, something! I have a letter all set to go as soon as I know where to send it. I have been told by more than one person that he will get weekly phone calls for now and possibly more once he gets past red phase (2weeks) We will see. I hope we get a letter from him soon. This is awfully hard.
Today the kids were way better, I think we are settling in YAY! I have even been sleeping a little better. only 63 days til family day, can't wait to see my solider :)

For real

Well I know I shouldn't be complaining but today is the first day I haven't heard a single word from Jer and I hate it. I have talked to him every single day since we started dating 2 1/2 years ago. I miss him and I was kinda liking the fact I could at least hear his voice. Yes I know we signed up for this and yes I didn't expcet to ge tthe calls I have already gotten, and YES people I am grateful but he is my hubby and I miss him. Its allowed. I am lucky I get amazing encouragment from him and I give it in return (his is so deserved). The last text he was able to send was so incredibily sweet and just what I needed. I think today its for real for real, no turning back. He is probably going through hell compared to me, he is has so much ahead to still learn. Me I am trying not to kill our wonderful boundary testing children. Myah is surprisingly the hardest. She acts like she could totally care less, like now she has no parents and can do whatever. I know if I stand firm it will get better, just OMG right now is hard. Nick doesn't feel good, got another tooth FINALLY ;) and I am sleeping like crap. Only 64 more days til I get to see him at family day! That's not to long right?

First weekend

This was the first weekend without Jer. I have to say it was kinda weird. I tried to keep busy and definately succeeded. Yesterday I was able to go out to dinner with two amazing people and their daughter, who just happens to be my oldest daughter's best friend. Bill is the man who helped Jer into his military career, and yes while sometimes I already want to cuse out the Army, I am very grateful. Bill's wife Beth is amazing. I seriously love this woman. She stops by to shoot the shit and we can laugh, complain about kids, and talk about the Army.. she gets it all. So yeah, they took my family to dinner last night, ALL 3 of my kids. It was the best 3 1/2 hours I have had all week. The best part, all the kids seemed happier, Nick got some play time with Bill , and we all came home and had a decent nights sleep! It was heavenly!!! Today the girls and I watched football with mom and dad. I REALLY missed Jer then. Thats our sunday ritual. We would stay in jammies, snuggle on the couch and just chill for the day. Today I still stayed in my jammies, actually his jammies lol. Tonight I got a great phone call from Jer, got to talk for nearly an hour and it was awesome. He is heading to the other side of post in the morning for the real fun to start. I probably wont be hearing from him very much for the next few weeks and that sucks monkey butt. However, I am grateful for all the time this week I didn't expect.
Oh and yeah, Nick decided he would get fifth disease so I have cranky, rashy, fever baby... guess I will be busy for the next few haha :)
Oh what a glamorous life

Harder

I am really starting to think my children want to make this the hardest 5 1/2 months possible! Jordan is this new mindset that if I want it I take it. She could care less who it belongs to or it she doesn't have the money to buy it. Plus the lying, I swear both of them it just flows! They lie just to lie. Now don't get me wrong I know alot, lying at least, is a teenage thing but seriously my plate is full. Myah won't listen to me at all, sometimes full out ignores me when I talk. If I ask her to do something 95% of the time it doesn't get done. She is not eating loke she should and loosing weight and for the life of me I can't figure out how to get through her head how important it is. Oh boy, and Nick.. he doesn't understand why daddy disappeared. He runs to the door every time the garage opens and clings to me like I might run away. Its really heart breaking not being able to explasin to him that daddy had to go for a bit and will be home relatively soon.
Seriously today all I wanted to do was get out for an hour or two and run a few errands. Well Jordan gets grounded for stealing and lying and Myah has yet to bring home her coat from school and its snowing and cold. I have only asked her to bring it home for 3 days and went BACK to the school yesterday for jordan and ASKED if Myah needed to go for anything. So No going out today because Jer and I had decidedd awhile ago they aren't mature enough to be home alone, hard lesson learned.
 

And he's off

So Monday started the craziness at the Carter household. Jer had to be at the hotel by 6pm. It seemed like the hours went so fast. Seriously I have no idea where that day went. Tuesady he had MEPS (military entrance processing station) from like 6am to 3pm. We were able to visit in the common areas of the hotel so I surprised him with all the kids for dinner. I was shocked Erin (his ex) let me take the boys but it was perfect. He was so surprised and happy! Oh and were the kids happy to have those few extra hours. It was a sad goodbye that night because the next morning Jer got on a plane to South Carolina. Off to Fort Jackson for 10 weeks of basic training then Frot Lee Virginia for 10 more weeks. We have gotten a few short phone calls from a very tired home sick husband/dad in the last few days. however, we all know he is doing this for our family, and we knew it wouldnt be easy. He is tired and working so hard. The kids and I miss him like crazy. The days aren't to bad but after everyone is asleep and its just me in the quiet, I get sad. Its hard to go to bed without him. Today no calls :( I never expected any yesterday so I know I should be grateful but its still hard. I am not used to being without him. I am lucky to have some amazing friends and family to help. Im staying with my parents so that is a huge blessing.My dad is so good with the girls and mom, is well my mom and they are important. Nancy is always there to help and listen at midnight or anytime lol. She is my best friend and  know I can always count on her. Denise has been an air force wife and knows so much. I can always call with a question. Beth and Bill, oh man they have done so much. Bill is the stand in dad for the girls, espceially when they need a dad lecture haha. Beth has been there done that and is great with advice. They are close too, I like that :) bill is who helped Jer get his foot in the door, and for that I will always be grateful. Plus our daughters are friends..... In the end I think we will both be stonger, just this week THE END SEEMS KINDA FAR